My Fault
by RikaDika
Summary: SPOILERS. An Evie, Umi, witnesses the death of her friend, and is haunted by what she saw. "It's all my fault." One shot. If anything is wrong, please let me know!


"Where's Ellis? Did you find him Umi?" Gwynn's frantic voice rose as I hesitate to answer her.

Tears threaten to fall as I look at the ground, "Gwynn, I'm… I'm sorry…" I dug into my bag and pull out notes, a watch and other personal belongings that belonged to Ellis. "… I couldn't save him in time…" My throat tightens as I said those words, not daring to look Gwynn in the eyes.

I feel the Royal Army commander's hands shakily grab the belongings, her voice cracking as she whispers, "Ellis… Oh, God, Ellis, if only I had gone to stop you… If only I was there…"

"Hey, Gwynn—" Marrec spoke up, but Aodhan places his hand on Marrec's chest, shaking his head, "Leave her be Marrec. She needs to be alone for a little…"

Marrec tore his eyes from Gwynn to look at this captain, "… Yes sir."

My tears soon fell with Gwynn's, my throat too tight to speak to her, "Ellis, I'm so sorry…" She holds the items to her chest before handing them back to me, "Umi, give these to Tieve to do a memorial… Excuse me." She left the post without waiting for a response from me.

I stand there what seems like forever, the weight of my scythe on my back seems to intensify every second I stand there, holding Ellis' belongings. A hand lightly touches my shoulder and I turn my tear streak face to my captain, "Umi, don't blame yourself, it wasn't your fault."

I look away, whispering hoarsely, "I could have stopped him… I could have turned down his offer to go to Ainle… I could have saved him…" My body shakes roughly as I clutch the items in my hands, "I could have saved him Aodhan!" I turn to him and bury my face into his chest, sobbing into his uniform.

Caught off guard, Aodhan didn't know what to do, then slowly wrap his arms around me, rubbing my head, "It's alright Umi… It's not your fault…"

I shake my head in his chest, but didn't say anything. What feels like hours, I finally calm down, and feel embarrass at my behavior. I pull away slightly from my captain, and he drop his arms. I wipe my eyes with my arms, nodding my head apologetically, "I'm sorry Aodhan for my outburst…"

He chuckles lightly, shaking his head, "Don't be. Now, go to Tieve and give her…" He didn't finish his sentence, but I knew what he means. I nod, "Yes sir…" and made my way to the inn where I sleep ever since I joined the Mercenary. I open the door to the inn, seeing Tieve cleaning up the shelves.

She turns upon my entering, and the small smile she had on her face quickly vanishes when she sees me, "Umi, are you alright?" She puts down her feather duster and quickly runs to my side, "What happened?"

I told her the news about Ellis, trying my hardest not to cry in front of her. She gasp, tears threatening to fall from her eyes, "That's horrible… I'm so sorry Umi…" She notices Ellis' keepsake in my hands, and looks back up to me, "Are those…?" I nod, my eyes avoiding hers. "I will hold a memorial for him." She takes the items from my hands, and I feel my heart rip into two. "You should check on Gwynn Umi. She must be taking this just as hard as you are…" Tieve sighs, "Such a nice gentlemen… Please give her my regards."

I nod, bidding the oracle farewell and stop outside the inn. Did Gwynn go back to the post? Did she return to Rocheste? I sigh at the thought of having to look for her, so I sat down for a while by the mailbox. Theo, Tieve's giant dog, walks over to me, resting his body on top of my feet. I pet his stomach with my foot. I didn't have any shoes on, since it was too much weight for me to carry with my scythe, sharpshooter shirt and sharpshooter pants. After sitting there, petting Theo and listening to others carry on with their lives, I stand up. Theo lifts his head and I pat it, making him stand up off my feet. I nod to him and I make my way to the post.

Inside, everything was deathly silent. Gwynn had return to the post, much to my relief. Her eyes were bloodshot, telling me she had gone to cry over the death of her friend. I nod to Marrec as he greets me upon my entering, and I make my way to Gwynn. She looks up at me when I make it to her, and she gives me a bitter smile. "Hey."

"Hi." I smile sadly back, "Tieve says she's sorry about what happened and hopes you're feeling better."

The Royal Army commander nods, "Thank you. I'm feeling a bit better." She sighs as she looks at her hands that rest on the table in front of her, "I'm going to miss him…" She digs into her pocket and pulls out a torn book, "This is Ellis diary that I found in his keepsake. But as you can see, it's pretty torn, so I can't make much out of it. It seems as if Ellis himself tore out these pages…" Her eyes scream of sadness, but her voice is firm, "I'm not allowed to go into Ainle after what happened. All of the Royal Army has been forced to pull out." Hesitation, "But you're not in the Royal Army." I blink in slight confusion at where Gwynn was getting at, "That means you can still go into Ainle and get those ripped pages." She turns her eyes from me to the book, "… Please Umi. As Ellis' last wish. Please get those pages."

Even as tears threaten to fall yet again, I nod my head firmly. "I will try my best Gwynn." _For Ellis._ I thought to myself. I bid farewell to everyone in the post and ran to the ports.

"What do you mean I can't go?" I cry in shock at the person in charge of the boats.

"You are not ready to go to that area." He tells me, "Train more and then I might let you go."

"Might." I hiss in his face, and turn away from the docks and head back towards Colhen. I waste my days instead of training, I mope around the post, going out once in a while to do a small quest, but return with not much progress done. The images of Ellis' death haunt me in my waking life and dreams. The dreams had gotten so bad that I had to sleep with Tieve to be at peace. Three days of these dreams and I had enough. I rest my head on my arms that lay on the table in the post; the quiet tick of the clock is the only sound in the post. After a long silence, Gallagher sighs in frustration and turns towards me, "Umi, stop mopping over Ellis' death already."

Gwynn and I visibly flinch and Marrec sends him a glare, "Gallagher-!"

The lazy Blade leans over the table towards me where I lay unmoving, "He's already gone and a memorial was already held for him. Get over it. I've had my own comrades die and I don't mope day in and day out over their deaths—"

"That's because you didn't see them die!" I slam my hands on the table, and Ceara jumps in shock. I quickly knock my chair out from underneath me and grab my scythe, pulling it from the spot on my back and grab Gallegher's collar tightly.

"Umi! Put your weapon back this instant!" Aodhan yells.

I ignore him, and snarl in the Blade's face, "You didn't see Ellis die! You weren't the one standing behind the fence, unable to save him!" Tears slip down my face as my grip tightens on his clothes, "You weren't the one that feels utterly guilty for leading your friend to his death!" The only sound in the post is my heavy breathing. Gallegher's face is in utter shock, his eyes darting to the weapon in my hand. I snarl and push him away from me, watching him fall to the ground with a loud thump. I put my scythe away and walk out of the post, slamming the door behind me. I ran a short distance to the inn, swinging the door open quickly. Tieve looks up, startle at my sudden entrance but doesn't have much time to say anything to me as I run to my room, slamming the door shut and locking it. I curl up on my bed, begging silently to be left alone.

I can hear someone from downstairs opening the inn door, their voice muffle but understandable, "Tieve, did Umi-?"

A moment of silence follow by a soft sigh and a reply, "She's in her room… Did something happen?"

I guess the voice belongs to Ceara. She explains the incident with Gallagher and I can hear Tieve give a huff of anger, "That Gallagher… Doesn't know his boundaries sometimes…" I can hear the door to the inn open again and the click of boots doesn't hint me on who it is, "Gwynn!" Well, that answers my question, "What are you…?"

"I've come to talk to Umi. May you please lead me to her room oracle?" I involuntarily flinch at her request, hoping that Tieve would not follow through. But knowing the oracle, she's going to do anything to help her friends.

Silence, but I'm assuming she's nodding or staring at Gwynn in surprise or confusion or whatever emotion she could display, "Right this way…" I hear footsteps coming up the stairs and I give a weak sigh as they stop on top of the staircase, "Her room is the first one on your right."

A brief silence before the click of boots comes in the direction of my room, the sound of soft footsteps going back downstairs. There was another brief pause before light knocking sounds on my door, "Umi?"

I pull my knees closer to my face, not wanting to see her or talk to her or do anything with anyone.

"Umi, are you in there?" Silence. "Umi, open the door. That's an order."

I growl angrily before jumping off my bed in rage and swinging my door open, "You have no right to command me Gwynn!"

"I know I don't." Her voice was hard, but her eyes was soft, "Umi, you shouldn't have let Gallagher control your feelings like that. I know it hurts, but—"

"You don't need to lecture me Gwynn." I drop my eyes to the floor, afraid if I look her in the eyes, I would cry, "But… I have dreams of Ellis… Of his death… They're becoming more and more twisted from the truth…" I wrap my arms around myself, trying to control the shaking that I didn't realize was there, "One of them was… The Formors… They started… _eating_ Ellis… Another was… he came back to life as a Formor…" I squeeze my eyes shut, tears dripping down my face yet again, "I'm so scared Gwynn, I don't want to have these dreams anymore, I don't want Ellis to be dead, I just want everything back to the way it was!" I sob quietly at the floor as the Royal commander just stands there, shock to hear about my dreams.

Arms lightly wrap around me, catching me off guard, "I'm sorry to hear about your dreams Umi, but I'm sure that if you relax your mind, Ellis will come and give you good dreams. I do have nightmares of Ellis' death, but I don't know how he died, I don't know if he was in pain when he was. But lately, I've been dreaming that Ellis comes to me and comforts me, telling me that if my mind is relaxed, he can visit me more and tell me how much happier he is where he is now."

My eyes are wide with shock at this statement and I bury my face into her uniform, "I can't relax though Gwynn, that's the problem. No matter how hard I try, all I do is remember every little detail of his death. No matter how hard I try, I can't…" My voice trails off as the tears on my face cause my throat to tighten in pain.

"Then think about the pancakes he loved that Tieve makes. Think about all those silly stories he'd tell you when you get back from your quests. Think about his smile and laughter at your corny jokes or me and Marrec's bickers. Don't dwell too much on the sad things and think about the good things you remember of Ellis…" She pets my hair softly, my sobbing reduces to a sniffle as I hear her talk about Ellis. My mind wanders to his first reaction to Tieve's pancakes, how he'd laugh so hard when I trip into the post sometimes. A soft smile plays on my lips as I nod into Gwynn's shoulder, "Thank you Gwynn…"

She nods before letting me go, her hands still on my shoulder as she gives me a level look, "You promise me that you'd find the pages of Ellis' diary-"

"And it's a promise I intend to keep." I wipe my tears, returning the look, "I will go train so I can return to Ainle and get those pages Gwynn. I promised and I will go through with it." I tighten my fists at my side before boasting my chest slightly.

The Royal Army commander gives a soft laugh, dropping her hands from my shoulders, "I know you'll keep that promise Umi." She raises her hand in a salute and I give a weak smile before saluting back.

"I'll be back Commander." I say jokingly before moving past her and down the stairs, out the inn and towards the docks.


End file.
